We Write Poems That Crumble and Whirl

hive drones cleaning away past promises’ husks

these bees collect words, clarifying honey

dip cautious thoughts into coral scented mead

bittersweet finger recognizes those marks

blame a tainted point in a cup of nectar

one cannot steer with safety past trust’s bruises

rapidly, covertly roses bud anew

Honey

just as suddenly balance ripples sweet scents

perspectives swivel pollen seasoning doubt

eloquent living requires bees and faith

stir the bouquet motionless delicacy

stifling strength now apiary purified

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now the “how come” . . .
The words came from The Sunday Whirl.  I wanted to connect lines, even though I hope each stands alone.  To do that I found a synonym for the original twelve words and used them in adjacent lines.  The need for twelve words in twelve poemlets came from Pamela via We Write Poems Prompt 80.  This was a lot of fun, but as usual, I probably made it more difficult than it needed to be.  Still, I’d love to know what you think about each, all or any.

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About Yousei Hime

This is the journal of a poetic rabbit. Within the warren you'll find poetry, short stories, essays, art, book and movie reviews, and other odds and ends. If you happen to meet the fey princess, be courteous. This rabbit did and was forever changed.
This entry was posted in Free Verse, Interesting Blogs, Poetry, Prompts, Senryu and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to We Write Poems That Crumble and Whirl

  1. siubhan says:

    thanks for sharing a little bit about your process on this one. there are some great juxtapositions in this, some powerful phrases/lines. I was caught especially by “trust’s bruises…”

    • Yousei Hime says:

      suibhan,
      Welcome. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts on this piece. I tried to work in connections within and between lines. I like intricate but understandable poetry. I’m glad you liked it. Look forward to seeing you again.

  2. manicddaily says:

    Thanks for indulgence of Pattinson–and I really like the poem better without the italics. Can read it now as a whole.

    I think word exercises are wonderful. They can force one out of habitual ruts and brain waves. K.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      K,
      No problem on the Pattinson issue. Be grateful I wasn’t blogging when I was in the full throws of Hugh Jackman mania. I still adore him, but don’t gush nearly as much or as nauseatingly (at least I hope not). I agree about the italics changing the poem. I like it better without too. I definitely agree with your opinion of the word exercises. They really helped me look at things line by line as well as overall continuity. They’ll be a go to for habit breaking. I really appreciate your comments. The subsequent reflection on my writing has helped me improve. Looking forward to what we share next.

  3. Kelly E. says:

    I like the bittersweet tone of this – the sweetness tempered by past hurt. And I love the thought of roses budding “covertly.”

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Kelly E.,
      Welcome and thank you for reading and commenting. Bittersweet comes easily these days, unfortunately. And roses, isn’t that what they do? I was visiting my mother last month, and I helped her deadhead her flowers. It seemed there were new blossoms everyday where no bud had been the day before. I love that magic too. Thanks for visiting. Drop by any time.

  4. mareymercy says:

    This is so musical – especially that last line!

    • Yousei Hime says:

      mareymercy,
      Welcome back. Glad you took time to read and found the poem to your liking. I’m still uncertain about the last line myself, but your vote definitely counts.

  5. Victoria says:

    This made me think of one of my favorite novels, Sue Monk Kidd’s, “The Secret Life of Bees.” Another wonderful metaphorical piece.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Victoria,
      I am honored. I’ve heard many good things about that book but have yet to read it. I’ve decided to build a must read list for next year and work my way through it. I might just put that on there. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me again.

  6. Shawna says:

    These are my favorite words from this piece:

    “these bees collect words, clarifying honey”
    “trust’s bruises”
    “eloquent living requires bees and faith”
    “stir the bouquet motionless delicacy”

    I see a bit of a connection between this and your telescope piece. 🙂

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Shawna,
      Welcome. Thank you for the read and the comment. Those are some of my favorite phrases too. Really? A connection to the telescope piece? Not thematically, at least not intentionally. They’re came from opposite emotional points, that’s certain. I’m curious now. Give it some thought and expound on that when you get the chance and/or inclination.

      • Shawna says:

        These were the words that made me think you were writing about defining and purifying a relationship, as you were in the telescope poem, whittling it down to an enduring friendship: “clarifying honey,” “covertly roses bud anew,” “balance ripples,” “perspectives swivel,” and the three closing lines. I’m interested to hear more about what you were thinking as you wrote, if you’d like to share. 🙂

  7. slpmartin says:

    Very nice response to the prompt…it worked quite effectively.

  8. Yousei, you have written a cohesive and flowing piece here. Very nicely done.

    Pamela

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Pamela,
      Welcome and thank for taking the time to read and comment. I’m glad you felt it cohesive. That it had flow is even better. Hope you’ll stop by and share again whenever the winds take you.

  9. sandy says:

    I feel the energy of the hive! NIce!!

    • Yousei Hime says:

      sandy,
      Nice to have you buzz by again. You sense energy throughout this? Nice. I hadn’t focused on that, so that’s a bonus. Sometimes I suspect the best aspects of my writing come from the unplanned. Depressing. Seriously, I’m headed over to your place for a gander and a smile.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      sandy,
      Wait! No more garden path? You do have another blog, right? Please say yes. My memory is failing this morning. I couldn’t even remember the name of “Best Buy.” Leave me a link to your other one if I’m not already following. (I’m truly pathetic today.)

  10. Ruth says:

    Well done, these poemlets, love that they stand alone and are connected too.
    My favourite of all is “these bees collect words, clarifying honey”

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Ruth,
      Welcome and thank you. I like that line as well. I tried to give them all unified independence. Glad you thought it worked. Your observations are helpful and welcome.

  11. colleen says:

    I love the metaphor of poets making poems to bees making honey. I have frequently related poetry to tea making, steeping and pouring.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      colleen,
      Welcome and thank you for your comments. I tried to carry that throughout the piece, but it felt like I got sidetracked somewhere. I can definitely see poetry’s kinship to making tea. I do believe the average steeping time is longer for poetry though. Good heavens, I couldn’t drink the tea I steeped as long as this poem. Come by and brew with me any time.

  12. nan says:

    This is incredibly lovely! The lines have a smooth coherence and flow… just like honey. The strong first line opens this with a “wow.” I loved: hive drones cleaning away past promises’ husks

    • Yousei Hime says:

      nan,
      Welcome. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your comments. I’m glad you liked the first line. An important place to start, right? Without the use of required words, I suspect I would have taken quite a different turn in the writing. Still, I’m pleased with the overall piece. Very glad you enjoyed it. Hope to see you again.

  13. Mabel Lee says:

    I love that first line, and I really enjoy the string of imagery that laces all of these lines together. Also the sense of a slow, continuous motion of bees that gives life to the poem. Thanks, Yousei!

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Mabel Lee,
      🙂 Welcome back and thank you. Your comment reminded me that in the spring, I see bees everywhere. They’re not generally in a rush, just going about their business of making the first honey of their year. Glad I could share this with you.

  14. irene says:

    Oh, a sweet as honey poem. I like the idea of bees and faith, a lot. And that you’re thinking about writing!

    • Yousei Hime says:

      irene,
      Welcome, my friend. Glad you found it to your taste. I like that bee-faith line too. I’ve been think a lot about writing. Your own journey has inspired me (as well as others). Looking forward to what we both create from here.

  15. manicddaily says:

    Hi Yousei, this is a cool exercise though I’d like to read it without the italics. (I’m very literal.) There are some wonderful images here–the whole idea of the bees–the past promises’ husks, the line “one cannot steer with safety through trust’s bruises.” This is lovely. Thanks. K.

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