WWP prompt 198 Child’s Play

waning crescent
sliver of a smile
before a startled gasp
and then darkness
I hold my breath
somewhere between full and empty
waning crescent

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As part of her prompt, Elizabeth Crawford has shared a fascinating site, Instant Poetry, at We Write Poems.  Can you tell which form I chose from the list on the Instant Poetry site?  For Elizabeth’s full prompt, visit WWP prompt 198 Child’s Play.

Advertisements

About Yousei Hime

This is the journal of a poetic rabbit. Within the warren you'll find poetry, short stories, essays, art, book and movie reviews, and other odds and ends. If you happen to meet the fey princess, be courteous. This rabbit did and was forever changed.
This entry was posted in Free Verse, Interesting Blogs, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

43 Responses to WWP prompt 198 Child’s Play

  1. Thomas Davis says:

    Yousei, this is wonderful. You are such a good poet, and when I retired I got down, so was not reading, writing, or commenting for awhile. This is imagistic, of course. The idea is that the image must carry meaning beyond a visual picture. You pull that off here. In this poem the key lines are:
    I hold my breath
    somewhere between full and empty
    waning crescent
    taking us from a word picture of the crescent moon to the waning crescent within the poet, reflecting not only the moon in the sky, but also the emotional tides within human beings.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Thomas Davis,
      Welcome back and thank you for the analysis. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on the poem. One of the delights and burdens of using the moon as a poetic image is that it comes with an extensive history. She is strong and able if handled properly. Thank you so much for your visit and your words.

  2. atrm61 says:

    Beautifully sublime writing-loved it:-)

  3. Mohana says:

    So lovely this is! Holding your breath between the full and empty waning crescent…wow!

  4. The rhythm of the poem is lovely, like the ebb of tides, and like the moon, begins as a sliver, waxes to full, and then leaves us as a silver again.

    -Nicole

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Nicole,
      Good catch. I hadn’t really thought about that but prompt structure and word choice really crafted that aspect. Thank you for stopping in and sharing it with me.

  5. R. B. says:

    I love this! Perfect image.

  6. A beautiful evocation of the phases of the moon. Thank you for finding me a new prompt site!

  7. poetrypea says:

    The words are sublime. The rhythm is fabulous. Really enjoyed it.

  8. brian miller says:

    ah this is so cool…we are studying phases of the moon in science and i like how you play on that…would you mind if i read this to my class…some i think would find it fun….

  9. Wonderful .. what can be done with few words.. love the way you use crescent in the piece… I will have to check out that site.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Björn,
      Definitely visit the site. It isn’t complicated. It is definitely a wonderful starting point for those foggy minded days. Thank you for stopping in and sharing.

  10. Ruth says:

    a lovely poem, Yousei – & it looks like the moon is playing with us too… very fitting 🙂

  11. I like how you get us to those last 3 wonderful lines…very fine writing.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Welcome Ronald,
      I really enjoyed the process. I like hearing what readers think about it. Knowing the prompts for the process (see the links) sends meaning in more directions. Very happy to share it with you.

  12. claudia says:

    you know that moon poems are right up my alley..smiles…a beautiful visual write..

  13. Your build up to those last three lines…perfection. I enjoyed this much, Yousei!!

  14. 1sojournal says:

    I found both the peacefulness spoken of earlier, and the tension you relate…They seem to sit well together and move the poem from one waning to another,

    Elizabeth
    http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2014/01/30/advice-for-a-burgeoning-poet/

  15. A sliver of a smile…. somewhere between full and empty – I love the tension in that. Lovely poem.

  16. It took me a couple of readings for those first two lines to get the visual metaphor. It’s ever so beautiful. I will never look at the moon again in the same way. 🙂

    Greetings from London.

  17. ode to the crescent of the moon! I like the peacefulness of your words.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Robyn,
      Thank you for stopping in and reading. I like it that you find the words peaceful. I actually felt quite a tension in the images. I love how each poem is re-imagined in the reader. Visit again sometime. 🙂

  18. slpmartin says:

    I also enjoyed the moon poem….a very pleasant read.

  19. Dear Yousei, I also love your poem. Blessings, Ellen

  20. Raven Spirit says:

    Yousei, I love this poem. The site was really cool, I book marked it. But my answer is no. Right now time is an issue.

  21. Irene says:

    Back to writing the moon. Somewhat haiku-ish too.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Irene,
      I’ve got one in my drafts that I hope to finish some day. It is a response to an older (don’t ask how far back) prompt of Joseph’s, and it is all about the moon. Maybe I’ll play with it again soon, when I get the current “kill me under the pressure of it” writing finished. Can’t escape the haiku anymore. Actually, I don’t think I want to. 😉

If you leave tracks, I'll find you.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s