Whim’s Bouquet

somewhere in a meadow
I’ve forgotten where
He knelt.
arms filled with spherical bulbs
jonquil, triandrus, tazetta, poeticus
all bathed in the diSparity
of deep orange

now seeking
I grow numb
with (out) a hard coat
ErOdent time
prevents recall
Where will they bloom?
his narcissus . . . sacred lily . . . pheasant’s eye

narcissus field

narcissus field (Photo credit: *Melody*)

narcotic loanword
mental bombast on a swollen memory
I’ve found his field toDay
small-cupped attempt…large-cupped resolve
there buds, evidence of his whim
Can I coax a poem this time?

for jasmine calyx

and dVerse’s Meeting the Bar: Creativity

About T A Smith

Just one of the literacy scholars on this site who wants to explore writing in all its complexities.
This entry was posted in Interesting Blogs, Poetry, Prompts and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

43 Responses to Whim’s Bouquet

  1. “Where will they bloom?
    his narcissus . . . sacred lily . . . pheasant’s eye” –

    all sorts of reference points lit up inside me, literary, yogic, social –

    very nice indeed, and of course the doing was the coaxing 😉

    and like several, really liked “mental bombast on a swollen memory” – seemed to feel it explode with recognition inside my memory banks; maybe a little “coaxing” and those’ll bloom too, thus made be very hopeful for myself, thanks so much 😉

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Felipe Adan Lerma,
      Gentle persuasion, a subtle push, sometimes a touch of cold–these are often all it takes to see a poem bloom. Thank you so much for stopping in and sharing your thoughts.

  2. Kim Nelson says:

    this feels so well crafted, focused on message as well as form. attention was paid, and I like it! And your header image is gorgeous!!!

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Welcome and thank you. I’m trying to take more time with each piece, instead of rushing them to print. As to the header, you can find the banner history by the artist herself here: Leslie White I love her painting, and she was so sweet a friend to create the banner just for my blog. Thank you for visiting and sharing.

  3. Tony says:

    Very creative response to Anna’s prompt. I love the flow of this – and it is delicious to read out loud. One line did make me stumble though:
    “in ErOdent time
    prevents recall”

    I got that the O was meant to be lingered on and stressed, but the present tense of ‘prevents recall’ had me struggling. Maybe I missed a connection somewhere?

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Welcome and thank you for your observations. I confess I fumbled with those lines myself. I still don’t like the feel of them. My mind usually pairs “time” with “prevents” which satisfies my longing for subject verb agreement, but then the earlier thread of numbness is lost. I suspect that the line (or more) will change eventually, and your comment confirms that need. Thank you for asking about it. Yours is my favorite kind of comment. Please visit again.

  4. margo roby says:

    Nice! Very nice! It is a poem that pays to reread, particularly after the final question. I love the way the speaker tastes the words throughout.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Welcome! You’re the second person this week that mentioned something which reminded me of the auditory nature of poetry. I don’t think about how my poetry sounds, writing in silence most of the time. Now that I’m mindful of it, I also need to think of how the words taste/feel in the mouth of the speaker. Fun, fun, fun. Thanks so much for stopping in and sharing. Did you glimpse the post just prior to this one? I like it even more. 😉 (non-subtle hint to visit again)

  5. lucychili says:

    yes you can coax a poem. bulbs are wonderful treasures to bury. flowers to discover.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Thank you for visiting and commenting. I thought of the bulbs as words/ideas/poems themselves. Thus writing became a gardener’s endeavor or a hiker’s chance. Happy you came by to share.

  6. Sabio Lantz says:

    Kawaii na Lagomorpha
    Cooking kampoo until
    the stenching herbs
    choke out the host

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Sabio Lantz,
      Thank you. Hopefully everyone can still breathe well enough to see beauty in the writing. 😉 Cute rabbits need company. Come back and visit again sometime.

  7. vidyatiru says:

    you did coax a poem:) and a clever one at that.

  8. Whims Bouquet, what a great title, creativity is very much captured on a whim. Nice!

  9. jasmine calyx says:

    This is stunning. Just absolutely gorgeous. I thought this was a very serious poem about a courtship gone wrong toward the end—perhaps it was all flowers but no soil, which may be why you’ve embedded the word “SOD” within the poem. There was no way the flowers could take root and hold. The last line threw me because it made the poem feel whimsical, as in playful, lighthearted, funny. But I originally took “whim” in your title to mean impulsive and romantic, whereas later in the relationship you found that the commitment wasn’t there. The beauty and flowers were superficial; rather than being able to weather the seasons, they were plucked/destroyed too easily.

    “He knelt,” of course, feels like a proposal—but one that did not survive the test of time.

    I’m so thrilled with the way you’ve used the words. You’ve even made me want to try to work with them. I wasn’t feeling particularly poetic today. But I may see what I can do.

    These are my favorites:

    “jonquil, triandrus, tazetta, poeticus
    all bathed in the diSparity
    of deep orange”

    “coat”/”erodent” in close proximity

    “Where will they bloom?
    his narcissus . . . sacred lily . . . pheasant’s eye”

    “small-cupped attempt…large-cupped resolve
    there buds, evidence of his whim” I can’t help it; this makes me picture him finding another woman. But I’m sure that’s not what you meant. 🙂 I think you actually meant that you finally rediscovered the place where he gave you flowers, and now you see that there are far more than you had ever hoped.

    So many interpretations are possible here. And of course, taken with the last line, it seems you are talking about the poetry gods gifting you with words and watching to see what you’ll create.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      jasmine calyx,
      I’ve been waiting for you. 😀 I really loved your list (I usually do) and just had to play with it. This may be the first time you saw much more than I intended. No complaints; I always love reading what you found. I really did write with 95% of the poem focused on finding ideas for writing. I wanted a male muse for a change. There are just so many words that can flip and transform mid-poem. Oooo! Want to hear something funny and ironic. That buried SOD was completely unintentional. The “S” was to split the word, so the reader might focus on its parts as well as its whole. The “O” was to try and bring out the “ero” in the word (an irony I couldn’t resist). The “D” . . . was just to have a cap in the last stanza (which is a pathetic thing to admit). “Today” just felt like the best word for it. As to the failed romance . . . well, the courtship has gone wrong, but there are no other women. The courtship was not actual people but that of the writer and the writing. In that sense, where the flowers are and finding them was essential. So fun writing this. Thanks for a spectacular list, my dear.

  10. you definitely did coax a poem- “mental bombast on a swollen memory”

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Welcome and thank you for commenting. I mentioned to jasmine calyx (the author of the word list prompt) that I love how bombast can work as both positive and negative imagery. Hmmm, words are definitely the narcotic in writing. Hope to see you again.

  11. kkkkaty says:

    simply love the fitting title…;_)

    • Yousei Hime says:

      I rather like that title too. The writing started with it, which doesn’t always happen. I knew Whim for a fellow and followed him to see what would happen. Then . . . it happened. 😉 Thanks for stopping by and sharing.

  12. Laurie Kolp says:

    I love it that you get inspiration from word lists… me, too!

  13. Love how you brought it all together at the end. Perfect! Sometimes we have to coax out muse justalittlebit 🙂

  14. deanabo says:

    You have a wonderful way with words!

  15. I love where you went with the prompt: the attempt to locate inspiration and how our creative products always involve some form of chance. The therapeutic and indulgent existing side by side in that field of creative energy we all hope to access. A thought provoking and interesting read.

  16. ManicDdaily says:

    Such a cool close. I especially like: small-cupped attempt…large-cupped resolve
    there buds, evidence of his whim
    Can I coax a poem this time?

  17. Grace says:

    What a creative take, I can’t do these words challenges from jasmine calyx ~ And so a poem is born ~

    • Yousei Hime says:

      I imagine you can. There’s certainly no obligation to use every word. I know of a few times I only used one or two, the rest just didn’t speak at all. Thanks for stopping in to look over the meadow.

  18. slpmartin says:

    A most delightful and fanciful read….must agree with claudia…”some cool words and images..”

  19. brian miller says:

    smiles…and you did coax a poem…your poem captures a bit of a journey through that field but also through your thoughts about the field…which is really cool…kampo
    narcotic loanword
    mental bombast on a swollen memory…ha i like the way that sounds coming out my mouth…nice energy there too…

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Welcome back. 🙂 jasmine calyx always has a unique/challenging set of words, which I often find irresistible. I have to remember to try these out loud. I keep missing that component, and it is something I really want to add to my writing. Thanks for pointing it out. Happy you enjoyed it.

  20. claudia says:

    the diSparity
    of deep orange…ha…i like…some cool words and images…i also like how you start it…has a bit of a fairy tale feel…
    (and rgd. your question…it was GTA III…)

    • Yousei Hime says:

      I have to credit many of the words and images to jasmine calyx. I just used poetic decoupage. Fairytales tend to slip into much of my writing. GTA…one of my kids favorites. How they remember those maps I’ll never know. 😉

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