My freshman is studying Romeo and Juliet as the school year winds down. (Just what we need heading into summer–teen love angst.) As a part of that study, he and his classmates have to write sonnets. (Wow! Really? Freshman writing sonnets?) He was so excited that he sat right down and wrote this:
Hit by the fiery weapon
Dissolved into luscious red petals
Death seemed imminent now
To sway under life’s brow
Where Gaea reaches the chaos
Halted time breathless undersea
Counter-rotation time spins back
To life before the death
Saving the lost old soul
Hit by day’s new light
And strikes the clocks night
Shock strikes me back here
Now red petals form pools
Songs of memorial now sing
Inside Gaea the sepulchred lays
Impressed? I was. Stunned, actually. Then I reverted to Mom/teacher and asked him if he’d read the assignment handout. Mmmm . . . of course not. So, we discussed the requirements for the sonnet (syllables, rhyme scheme, fourteen lines) and revised it to this:
Watching one hit by the fiery weapon,
Then dissolved into luscious red petals,
I knew death imminent now. Yet deep in
The sway under life’s brow, resolve settles
Where Gaea reaches, into chaos, back–
Halting time. Our breathless souls undersea,
Time spins in counter-rotation. Attack
What was; return before fatality,
Willing to life the shattered, cherished soul.
Behold one hit by another day’s light.
Sound strikes and clock’s night disperses control
Shock strikes me back to dawn. I reunite
With truth. Now red petals form pools, a bequest,
Within Gaea , sings the sepulchred rest.
Personally, I like his original best. This week I have one graduating and one writing sonnets. Man! What a fantastic week!