RWP NaPoWriMo/Poetic Asides Day 14

                                    safe island

                     inhabiting those  thoughts are safe islands,
deep waters, thrashing with life  discerning havens even
             salmon seek to spawn  amidst this night’s storm

[This is a cleave poem.  Simple instructions are:  read the left side, read the right side, then read them together as one.  I'd love to hear what you think of my first attempt.]

for RWP Day 14

for Poetic Asides Day 14

for Jingle’s Thursday Poets’ Rally

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About Yousei Hime

This is the journal of a poetic rabbit. Within the warren you'll find poetry, short stories, essays, art, book and movie reviews, and other odds and ends. If you happen to meet the fey princess, be courteous. This rabbit did and was forever changed.
This entry was posted in Haiku, Poetry, Prompts, Senryu and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

62 Responses to RWP NaPoWriMo/Poetic Asides Day 14

  1. Pingback: Thursday Poets Rally Week 17 (May 6-12, 2010, Homecoming) « Jingle

  2. jruthkelly says:

    this is spectacular. such a feast of perspective and contrast swimming beautifully. never heard of this form! wonderful…

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Hey Cuzn,
      It is an unusual form, but I like it. I like it for its challenge as much as anything. Thanks for stopping in. You should see me around more often in a few days. :D

  3. ptdiep says:

    Dear Yousei Hime

    Your cleave poem works well.
    If you would like to workshop cleave poems come over to The Cleave Poetry Workshop.

    http://cleavepoetryworkshop.com

    Best wishes
    Phuoc-Tan Diep

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Phuoc-Tan Diep
      Thank you so much for visiting and commenting. Writing the cleave poem was a challenge, but I enjoyed it and will be writing more in the future. I would certainly love to visit the workshop. Thank you for the invitation and for visiting my blog.

  4. Julie says:

    Hi, Yousei! This is fantastic! I would never have known it is a first attempt, because the form is beautiful. Wonderful work, cuz!

    Have you read Fred Chappell’s book with poems “nested inside of poems?” I’m describing it too simply, because it’s an amazing book. It’s called “Shadow Box.” I use it to study his language and form, but it’s also a pleasure to read.

    You are doing awesome work over here, Yousei. Please excuse me for being so slow. Life is sort of rough right now, but I will come back to read everything soon. I enjoy it very much!

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Julie,

      Welcome back. You’ve been busy. ;) I hope things aren’t too rough. You’re in my thoughts often.

      Glad you liked the cleave poem. I suspect that I’ll revisit this form. I liked it, and I like the challenge. I haven’t read Chappell’s book. I’ll have to try and find a copy. Thank you for your smile-filled words and the encouragement.

  5. Pingback: Thursday Poets Rally Week 15 (April 22-28, 2010) « Jingle

  6. Tacy C. says:

    fantabulousness!

  7. Tasneem R says:

    Unique ! I never read something like this in my life ! The format of your poem is exceptional ! You’re highly creative I must say .
    Although this test is not for you because we all know you’re already creative still for your readers I will like to share it –

    Am I Creative? – Do you have the ability to generate new ideas, use imagination and make new decision?
    http://www.3smartcubes.com/pages/tests/creative/creative_instructions.asp

  8. Desiree says:

    Interesting way to write a poem. Well done though. (:

  9. dustus says:

    Awesome! What an interesting way to write a poem. I like the way both sides read seperately. When considered as a whole, the 2nd and 3rd complete lines are outstanding! Thanks.

  10. Chainy says:

    I’ve never read a cleave poem, but this is great! Wonderful poem!

  11. Maureen says:

    Brilliant!! I love how the three poems build on each other. Well done!

  12. owlren says:

    I enjoy how the two sides of the poem work together. Very nice!

    • Yousei Hime says:

      owlren,
      Howdy girl. Things must have calmed down a bit at school. Glad to see you here. Thanks for the comment. I’m still fussing with this one, but I’d never tried the form before and wanted to get something on paper to work with, so to speak. Thanks again for stopping in.

  13. kseverny says:

    awesome, now i’m gonna ave a go.

  14. Ji says:

    http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/04/16/finally-poetry-awards-for-poets-rally-week-14/

    two awards for you,
    the most disciplined poet award,
    the most popular award,
    enjoy! ;)

  15. lesliepaints says:

    Fascinating! Reads well both ways. Love it! :)

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Leslie
      I’ve missed you and really missed visiting your site. Can’t wait for April’s poetry challenges to end just so I have time to visit again. Argh! I have to be missing some great painting. Be there soon.

  16. Robin Mullet says:

    I was unaware of this form – interesting. Received your mailing and look forward to seeing you on the 24th.

  17. James says:

    Love it. The two fuse nicely. I really like that you did it with two very nice haiku.

  18. william says:

    I wanna come to this safe Island, it sounds like a great place, brilliant xx

  19. Excellently done! You kicked the prompt square in the behind. ^_^

  20. Lisa at Greenbow says:

    I have never seen this form of poetry before. I found it a little confusing at first. You have to remember I am easily confused. I do like it though, well done.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Lisa,
      I’d never heard of this form either until it showed up on RWP as a prompt. I’m not surprised it was created. The concept is kind of alluring. I had trouble creating mine and am still not really satisfied with it. I’m not too surprised at the confusion. I originally posted it without the explanation. Then I thought, how many people will understand how it is suppose to be read? I didn’t at first. Anyway, thank you for struggling through it and leaving your comment. :)

  21. warriorpoetess says:

    I’ve never heard of a cleave poem, but interesting concept and you have executed it well.

    ~warriorpoetess
    http://ithoughtitup.wordpress.com

    • Yousei Hime says:

      warriorpoetess,
      Thank you for visiting and commenting. I’d never heard of the form either until it showed up as a prompt for ReadWritePoetry. I’ll visit soon. Thank you for leaving your link.

  22. oinky says:

    i like it! very cool! :D i’ll try making one myself..cool! thanks for sharing! :D

  23. Irene says:

    Hi Yousei, I think ‘amidst this night’s storm’ anchors the poem very well. Nice to meet you here and I’ll keep looking out for you in Napowrimo.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Irene,
      Thanks. I felt that line might help pull it together. I’m still not really satisfied with it, but I admit to rushing it to post. I’m so far behind now. :( Thanks for the link to WWP. I am looking forward to it, and I was sorry to hear RWP was on its way out.

  24. brian says:

    this is really cool. i saw someone elses cleave poem today. what a neat style. i have never tried it though i just might have to as it intrigues me.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Jacquie,
      I’m glad you do. I’m not sure if I do. Feeling the pressure to catch up and didn’t spend the time polishing it that I normally would. Pretty good for a first attempt at the form though. It was a lot more difficult that I thought it would be. Thanks for the comment.

  25. v!shu says:

    Tat was wonderful… i enjoyed ur thought of a safe island!

    You can find mine here:
    http://vishurocks.wordpress.com/

  26. Pingback: Tweets that mention RWP NaPoWriMo/Poetic Asides Day 14 « Shiteki Na Usagi -- Topsy.com

  27. Pingback: Thursday Poets Rally Week 14 (April 15-21,2010) « Jingle

  28. Amity says:

    A cleave poem, as I have read in the tag…:)

    All of us want our thoughts to be on a safe island, isn’t it?
    Quite hard to interpret, I would sound funny interpreting this one Yousei…:)

    And yes, your comment in my last post has been a success…:)

    You have missed a couple of my short stories…but I am happy you have noticed some improvements now…:)

    Have a nice day!

  29. Viola says:

    This haiku is nicely penned. You are getting really good at writing these. Also I am so sorry your messages aren’t coming through to my email address. Are you sure you are sending it to violatabor@hotmail.com. I do know how much you are thankful that I support you. It is really all my pleasure. I enjoy reading your posts.

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