RWP NaPoWriMo/Poetic Asides Day 6

My Lady’s Parting Song

From the shore her song floats with grace
to her empty room.  In disbelief I cross
her thread-strewn floor.  Her fine tapestry woven
with care and heart each day is gone.  Reflected
in a cracked mirror is an empty shrine.  Bowing
my head, I sigh to think she has glimpsed true love.

So sweet her song, no doubt ‘tis love.
Long I met her daily needs.  Yet fate, graceless,
denied her heart.  Obediently she bowed
her solitude in penance before her cross.
Only my mute smile and shadowed reflections
were her commune, just so each day was woven.

“With crucifix and cloth woven,”
she sings, placing each upon the craft with love.
She hangs a lantern on the prow to reflect
upon her river path.  Dusk, with subtle grace,
nears, and she lights the shrine candles by the cross.
Then humming, carves her name upon the bow.

“Sir Knight, with mercy my heart is bowed,”
she chants.  About the boat’s chain her fingers wove.
In a breath, she will drop it and waters cross.
She will release her weary shadows of love
stitched in her silken web and pursue brief grace
to see her world without mirrored reflection.

“Come I to Camelot.  Reflect . . .”
I hear her fading murmur as the sun bows.
I see her hair lifted in a breeze’s grace,
and in my heart both fear and joy are woven.
By chance she glanced upon a face she could love
and seeing him, she found the strength for crossing.

She bore solitude, uncomplaining, a cross
I understood.  Her patient seams reflected
soft hope.  Any life is barren lacking love.
The softest zephyr whispers back from her bow—
her song, her scent, her heart—all interwoven
her burdens released, she journeys on toward grace.

“With candles, crucifix and life’s work woven,
Come I to lofty Camelot.  Please reflect,
Sir Knight, with mercy, that my love is unbowed.”

for RWP NaPoWriMo Day 6

inspired by Waterhouse’s Lady of Shalott


are deer and autumn
still about New England hills
where she ran barefoot

for Poetic Asides Day 6
my art prompt choice was Pocahontas


About T A Smith

Just one of the literacy scholars on this site who wants to explore writing in all its complexities.
This entry was posted in Haiku, Poetry, Prompts, Sestina and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to RWP NaPoWriMo/Poetic Asides Day 6

  1. ichabod says:

    Hi Yousei;

    “Obediently she bowed
    her solitude in penance before her cross.
    Only my mute smile and shadowed reflections
    were her commune”

    she waited for the mystery of her heart
    known to her as Sir Knight

    he existed not
    except for her mind’s eye
    and yet he did

    for if her thoughts
    captured Sir Knight
    her loneliness
    would be
    no more

    there are many ways
    camelot can be known
    and your poem

    travels more than a path of one

    our heroine discovered
    her peace within
    and Sir Knight
    in the place
    called Camelot

    Yousei, after reading what you penned more than once, there are so many meanings one can derive from your words, I decided to throw up a few words myself to let you know how I interpreted it.

    Thank you for allowing me the pleasure of reading your words and responding in kind 🙂

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Sir Ichabod,
      I like your interpretation. I is close to what I tried to communicate, it sees some things different, and expands on other things. All of this helps me, and I really appreciate the time you took.

      • ichabod says:

        Hi Yousei, my eggnog friend 🙂

        You don’t need help.

        You do just great. When your poetry inspires someone to respond with a poem (regardless if the quality of response is any good or not) it is the ultimate compliment. 🙂

        When I read the stuff you pen, it opens my mind because that is what you write. Mind opening stuff.

        Of course I may see it differently than the way you may have intended.

        We are different people, with different pasts and experiences. That is the great thing about poetry, music and art.

        We can take from it what we will, enjoy and savor.

        This is all stuff of the heart and only your heart knows where it is at. Let not anyone critique your heart.

        Here I go, getting wordy again, but it is out of respect for you.

        • Yousei Hime says:

          Sir Ichabod,
          Just so you know, I love your poems, for many of the same reasons you gave for liking mine. If I am truly opening minds, then I am on the right path. “We are different people, with different pasts and experiences. That is the great thing about poetry, music and art.” I TOTALLY agree. That is my basic philosophy of literature. Never worry about wordiness with me. I love reading and learning from you. Thank you for your sincere encouragement and friendship. 😀

  2. moondustwriter says:

    really like your reflection on Camelot – so real!!!

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Oh, thank you. I am so glad you read this. I worked hard on it, and right or not, I’m proud of it. Thanks for coming by, reading and leaving your encouraging comment.

  3. gina says:

    I so enjoyed reading this, thank you! Really beautifully done. I’m learning about all the different styles, oneday I hope to write dream like poetry like this. Inspirational. 🙂

    • Yousei Hime says:

      I am so flattered by your comment, but I am still learning forms and learning good writing. It is a long process, and though I’m not sure if I’ll ever be satisfied with my writing, I am certain I’ll enjoy the journey. Thank you for your visit and inspiring comment.

  4. william says:

    this was very well written kinda like a dream, only u made it real xxx

    • Yousei Hime says:

      So glad you liked the latest poems. I am particularly proud of the Shalott poem. Sestina are much more difficult to write than they seem. Thank you for coming by and leaving your comments.

  5. lazfreedman says:

    I like this one so much!


  6. Yousei,
    Here I be! Reading about Camelot! Well, you know, we sort of have this thing where we say real stuff, and I was just reading your fine poem, which it is…

    I would like to see something a little bit different in these two lines…

    In a breath, she will drop it and waters cross.
    She will release her weary shadows of love

    The future tense in both lines I think you can write in a more interesting fashion. It is future tense isn’t it? I’m rusty on all of that. The word “will” in both lines.

    However, here’s the Rob Robbie “real comment” for you. I was reading this poem, and I know it’s from one of your favorites. “The Lady…” I was trying to imagine it in iambic pentameter.

    I don’t know if that interests you or not. Of course you aren’t trying to be Shakespeare. I don’t know who writes that anymore. But it would be quite an exercise, and you seem to like to do that. It would really make for a wonderful poem with the imagery. Not necessarily “perfect” iambic pentameter” of course. The poets of the past would…

    I think I’ve said plenty already.

    The rain in Spain stays mainly…

    I think she’s got it.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Thanks for reading it. I really appreciate your comments. I thought about the iambic pentameter, but decided that at least initially, I would stick with the original sestina form (which was a bear, let me tell you). I’m not even certain I got it right. Hope so. As for those two lines, I’ll take a look at them. I didn’t want the plot of the poem to move on just yet, that’s why I wrote them as future tense. The servant watching her knew she would leave at any moment, yet hoped she wouldn’t. Something like that. She does drop the chain into the water later. If you didn’t catch that image, then I really do need to go back and polish. Part of the problem with the way I tackled this sestina is that I limited myself to using the same end words or forms of them (bow, bowed, bowing, etc). Later sestinas used interchangeable words, which I think is easier and in most cases better. If you’ve got something that popped in your mind as suggestions for those two lines (or others) do share. Thank you, thank you for your critique and encouragement.

  7. Pingback: Tweets that mention RWP NaPoWriMo/Poetic Asides Day 6 « Shiteki Na Usagi --

  8. Viola says:

    I really did enjoy reading the poem and haiku. Awesome, and beautifully done.

  9. Lisa at Greenbow says:

    What a story told in such beautiful prose.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      I’m so glad you read this one. Having made two posts that night, I was afraid no one would read it. I worked hard on it, and though I doubt it is the best it can be, I am very proud of it. Thank you for sharing it with me.

  10. brian says:

    camelot was a dream i had when i was young, the dream is where i live now.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      I am so glad you read the Camelot poem. I made two posts that night, and I see you found them both. But because of the double posting, I fear few others will read this sestina, and I really like it the best of all. Glad I could share it with you. I too like living in my dreams.

If you leave tracks, I'll find you.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s