Haiku for SWW Day 61

on my knees, melting
snow drips, staining concrete walls
voiceless gaping bleak

Stories Without Words

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About Yousei Hime

This is the journal of a poetic rabbit. Within the warren you'll find poetry, short stories, essays, art, book and movie reviews, and other odds and ends. If you happen to meet the fey princess, be courteous. This rabbit did and was forever changed.
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15 Responses to Haiku for SWW Day 61

  1. Tacy says:

    BELOW 0? Holy cow! I’ve never even felt below 10! 😯

  2. I think my favorite part of this is that I’m not sure what’s “voiceless gaping bleak”: the voice or the walls. And the narrator is definitely melting; the snow dripping is an afterthought. 🙂 (All right, it could go either way, but it’s so much more tantalizing when you treat each line on its own…)

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Joseph,
      Thanks for the visit. I really like hearing about how you read the poem. Reading a line at a time does make a difference. I like doing that, then going back and letting meaning flow from one line to the next, feeling the meanings shift and change. I wasn’t sure about the last line, but after reading your comment, I realize a less structured, less straightforward line can increase potential meaning. Thanks for sharing this. 🙂

  3. Tacy says:

    Yousei,

    I have a feeling where you are at it’s snowy. It’s the opposite here, but it’s supposed to snow here tomorrow!

    Anyway, I posted about my favorite books on my blog, and I love this poem!

    L8rz,

    Tacy

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Tacy,
      Yes, it is snowy and coooooold. We are getting wind chills below 0 today. Brrrrrr. I look forward to checking out your booklist. Glad you liked the haiku. See ya.

  4. Jennifer says:

    I like this. The first two lines were my favorite as the images were clear and more than one image came to mind. The third line is powerful perhaps because it is image-less, in a way.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Jennifer,
      Glad you came by and left a comment. Did you look at the picture prompt on the link? It demanded a strong poem. I’m still not totally satisfied with the last line, but . . . . Thanks for visiting! 😀

  5. kseverny says:

    excellent.
    A melting snow man comes to my mind

  6. Technobabe says:

    I see it as on knees in prayer and supplication to withstand the endless snow. Hah. And that, my dear, is about where I am right now. Two months of yards full of snow, roofs of snow and ice, have not seen empty sidewalks and driveways unless we keep shoveling. This has the special meaning for me, so I do like this one. I can see the stains on the concrete walls in my mind. Good visual in the haiku.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Tecnobabe,
      I’ve just about hit my winter limit too. We had quite a bit of snow, then we had some unexpected warmer weather (40’s F) and rain, which washed most of it away. Glad you liked the haiku. Love your visits. 😀

  7. Sandy says:

    I think this must be a sad tale, but a good poem!

  8. Lisa at Greenbow says:

    I hope the sun shines for you soon. Brrrr… This haiku makes me feel cold. More likely I am just cold while sitting here reading this.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Lisa,
      I know what you mean about being cold. Our computer is in our basement which stays chilly even when the heat is on. Most of the time my hands are a bit stiff from the cold when typing. It’s surprising I don’t have more typos. 😉 Thanks for coming by. Stay warm!

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