Acrostic on Haiku

Have you seen where nature is in five syllables,
And what she was doing in seven?
Indications of a season are in a single word,
Keeping her when for the last five syllable line.
Unveil her verbal portrait.

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About Yousei Hime

This is the journal of a poetic rabbit. Within the warren you'll find poetry, short stories, essays, art, book and movie reviews, and other odds and ends. If you happen to meet the fey princess, be courteous. This rabbit did and was forever changed.
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27 Responses to Acrostic on Haiku

  1. Andy Bonjour says:

    Great concept. I love the idea of containing or limiting nature into 5 or 7 syllables.
    -Andy Bonjour

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Andy,
      You never know from where inspiration will come. A friend who usually focuses on acrostics asked me for help writing a haiku. This haiku acrostic sprang from that request. I like it too. Thanks for visiting and commenting.

  2. owlren says:

    This is nice, very thought provoking.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Howdy Olwren!
      Glad you liked it. I gave the acrostic a try at encouragement from another blogger friend. Couldn’t forget about my haiku though. 😉 Did you see the owl picture on the link I left you?

  3. souldose says:

    You are so talented I can’t even describe it

  4. Julie says:

    Lovely! I’m especially fond of the last line, though I love it all.

  5. lesliepaints says:

    What an interesting poem. I imagine you juggling words.

  6. Amity says:

    This is a very good lesson for me Yousei, written in an acrostic form!

    Wonderful innovation!

  7. First, an excellent description of haiku.

    Second, it might be neat to combine the forms by doing literal acrostic haiku. Something like:

    Sunlight overhead
    Kisses us with wet blue heat,
    Your hands and my hands.

    Though I guess the number of three-letter nature images is pretty limited… 🙂

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Joseph,
      Great to hear from you! Thanks for the complement and suggestion. I like your idea. Maybe if we fudge the lines but not the syllables, or use a tanka. Your on-the-spot haiku turned out nicely! I’ve been reading on haiku lately, and if we English writers tried to get a closer likeness to the Japanese, the number of syllables would be considerably less. They would be more like 3-5-3. Hard to imagine limiting myself to that when the present form feels so limited already. Hope your holidays were good and the beginning of your new year great.

      • It’s true… Japanese count syllables by mora, which are weighted differently. The easiest way to say it is: if a syllable ends in one vowel (like “tea”), it’s one mora. If it has a diphthong (like “tie”), or a consonant at the end (like “tear”), it’s two. If it’s unstressed, you can usually count as one (“tiger” = “ti” (2) + “ger” (1)).

        But I’m of the opinion that we’re not writing in Japanese, therefore if we change the syllable rules slightly (slightly, mind you: the rule should still be there, and followed), it’s fine so long as the spirit of creating space with the haiku is followed. Because it’s a lot harder to tell what the morae are in English. 🙂

        (Apologies for my pedantry! Linguistics major + Japanese minor = I get all into this kind of thing.)

        • Yousei Hime says:

          Joseph,
          Are you really minoring in Japanese? I am completely green now. Mumble. Talent. Grumble. Favorite majors. Ok, I’ll quit. I’m sure you’d be completely envious of my double major in English and math with a minor in sacred music, right? 😉

  8. kseverny says:

    ah, thats an acrostic.
    sounds like fun

  9. Jennifer says:

    The first two lines are my favorites. Well done.

    Happy New Year!

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Hi Jennifer!!!!
      Glad you like it. I like the first to lines best too. It bobbles on the third and never quite sticks the landing (to borrow a gymnast metaphor). Glad to hear from you. Hope you had good holidays and a great start to the new year.

  10. Linda Jacobs says:

    Yes, I like how you aptly describe a haiku in this acrostic. It certainly is a “verbal portrait” and a season can be “in a single word”!

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Linda,
      Thank you for your visit and leaving a comment. Haiku is my favorite form, but a friend encouraged me to give acrostics a try. This was a fun way to combine the forms. Please visit again when you can.

  11. catgirlslovehaiku says:

    Really cool acrostic for the word “haiku”. Love it!

    • Yousei Hime says:

      catgirlslovehaiku,
      You know, I really liked how it turned out too. I wrote it because a fellow blogger suggested I give acrostics a try. I doubt they’ll become a habit for me, but it was certainly fun creating a couple. Love seeing you around the blogsphere (Haiku Bones, D.L.Harrison’s, etc.)!

  12. Technobabe says:

    If we have eyes to see and our senses are open to nature’s gifts, we have so much to gain from them. You put so much into so few words.

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