somewhere in a meadow
I’ve forgotten where
He knelt.
arms filled with spherical bulbs
jonquil, triandrus, tazetta, poeticus
all bathed in the diSparity
of deep orange
now seeking
I grow numb
with (out) a hard coat
ErOdent time
prevents recall
Where will they bloom?
his narcissus . . . sacred lily . . . pheasant’s eye
narcissus field (Photo credit: *Melody*)
kampo
narcotic loanword
mental bombast on a swollen memory
I’ve found his field toDay
small-cupped attempt…large-cupped resolve
there buds, evidence of his whim
Can I coax a poem this time?
for jasmine calyx
and dVerse’s Meeting the Bar: Creativity
“Where will they bloom?
his narcissus . . . sacred lily . . . pheasant’s eye” -
all sorts of reference points lit up inside me, literary, yogic, social -
very nice indeed, and of course the doing was the coaxing
and like several, really liked “mental bombast on a swollen memory” – seemed to feel it explode with recognition inside my memory banks; maybe a little “coaxing” and those’ll bloom too, thus made be very hopeful for myself, thanks so much
Felipe Adan Lerma,
Gentle persuasion, a subtle push, sometimes a touch of cold–these are often all it takes to see a poem bloom. Thank you so much for stopping in and sharing your thoughts.
this feels so well crafted, focused on message as well as form. attention was paid, and I like it! And your header image is gorgeous!!!
Kim,
Welcome and thank you. I’m trying to take more time with each piece, instead of rushing them to print. As to the header, you can find the banner history by the artist herself here: Leslie White I love her painting, and she was so sweet a friend to create the banner just for my blog. Thank you for visiting and sharing.
Very creative response to Anna’s prompt. I love the flow of this – and it is delicious to read out loud. One line did make me stumble though:
“in ErOdent time
prevents recall”
I got that the O was meant to be lingered on and stressed, but the present tense of ‘prevents recall’ had me struggling. Maybe I missed a connection somewhere?
Tony,
Welcome and thank you for your observations. I confess I fumbled with those lines myself. I still don’t like the feel of them. My mind usually pairs “time” with “prevents” which satisfies my longing for subject verb agreement, but then the earlier thread of numbness is lost. I suspect that the line (or more) will change eventually, and your comment confirms that need. Thank you for asking about it. Yours is my favorite kind of comment. Please visit again.
If you dropped “In” from that phrase, the difficulty is resolved …
Tony,
Huh, Friday is showing (yeah, I’ll blame it on that). Brilliant! Consider it done. Like it better (now that it feels better too)?
Nice! Very nice! It is a poem that pays to reread, particularly after the final question. I love the way the speaker tastes the words throughout.
margo,
(non-subtle hint to visit again)
Welcome! You’re the second person this week that mentioned something which reminded me of the auditory nature of poetry. I don’t think about how my poetry sounds, writing in silence most of the time. Now that I’m mindful of it, I also need to think of how the words taste/feel in the mouth of the speaker. Fun, fun, fun. Thanks so much for stopping in and sharing. Did you glimpse the post just prior to this one? I like it even more.
Non-subtle is a requirement. Any time
I’ll be over in a bit.
yes you can coax a poem. bulbs are wonderful treasures to bury. flowers to discover.
lucychili,
Thank you for visiting and commenting. I thought of the bulbs as words/ideas/poems themselves. Thus writing became a gardener’s endeavor or a hiker’s chance. Happy you came by to share.
Kawaii na Lagomorpha
Cooking kampoo until
the stenching herbs
choke out the host
Sabio Lantz,
Cute rabbits need company. Come back and visit again sometime.
Thank you. Hopefully everyone can still breathe well enough to see beauty in the writing.
you did coax a poem:) and a clever one at that.
http://myrandrspace.blogspot.com/
vidyatiru,
Welcome and thanks for sharing. I’ll visit soon.
Whims Bouquet, what a great title, creativity is very much captured on a whim. Nice!
pandamoniumcat,
Exactly the thought I had. I like the title too. Thanks for stopping in to share.
This is stunning. Just absolutely gorgeous. I thought this was a very serious poem about a courtship gone wrong toward the end—perhaps it was all flowers but no soil, which may be why you’ve embedded the word “SOD” within the poem. There was no way the flowers could take root and hold. The last line threw me because it made the poem feel whimsical, as in playful, lighthearted, funny. But I originally took “whim” in your title to mean impulsive and romantic, whereas later in the relationship you found that the commitment wasn’t there. The beauty and flowers were superficial; rather than being able to weather the seasons, they were plucked/destroyed too easily.
“He knelt,” of course, feels like a proposal—but one that did not survive the test of time.
I’m so thrilled with the way you’ve used the words. You’ve even made me want to try to work with them. I wasn’t feeling particularly poetic today. But I may see what I can do.
These are my favorites:
“jonquil, triandrus, tazetta, poeticus
all bathed in the diSparity
of deep orange”
“coat”/”erodent” in close proximity
“Where will they bloom?
his narcissus . . . sacred lily . . . pheasant’s eye”
“small-cupped attempt…large-cupped resolve
I think you actually meant that you finally rediscovered the place where he gave you flowers, and now you see that there are far more than you had ever hoped.
there buds, evidence of his whim” I can’t help it; this makes me picture him finding another woman. But I’m sure that’s not what you meant.
So many interpretations are possible here. And of course, taken with the last line, it seems you are talking about the poetry gods gifting you with words and watching to see what you’ll create.
jasmine calyx,
I really loved your list (I usually do) and just had to play with it. This may be the first time you saw much more than I intended. No complaints; I always love reading what you found. I really did write with 95% of the poem focused on finding ideas for writing. I wanted a male muse for a change. There are just so many words that can flip and transform mid-poem. Oooo! Want to hear something funny and ironic. That buried SOD was completely unintentional. The “S” was to split the word, so the reader might focus on its parts as well as its whole. The “O” was to try and bring out the “ero” in the word (an irony I couldn’t resist). The “D” . . . was just to have a cap in the last stanza (which is a pathetic thing to admit). “Today” just felt like the best word for it. As to the failed romance . . . well, the courtship has gone wrong, but there are no other women. The courtship was not actual people but that of the writer and the writing. In that sense, where the flowers are and finding them was essential. So fun writing this. Thanks for a spectacular list, my dear.
I’ve been waiting for you.
you definitely did coax a poem- “mental bombast on a swollen memory”
Jennifer,
Welcome and thank you for commenting. I mentioned to jasmine calyx (the author of the word list prompt) that I love how bombast can work as both positive and negative imagery. Hmmm, words are definitely the narcotic in writing. Hope to see you again.
simply love the fitting title…;_)
kkkkaty,
Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
I rather like that title too. The writing started with it, which doesn’t always happen. I knew Whim for a fellow and followed him to see what would happen. Then . . . it happened.
I love it that you get inspiration from word lists… me, too!
Laurie,
I think lists are my go-to tool for dry spells. Glad someone else enjoys them as well.
Love how you brought it all together at the end. Perfect! Sometimes we have to coax out muse justalittlebit
Gretchen,
Welcome and thank you for your observations. Muses are mysterious beings. I enjoyed playing with the idea of a male muse, a rarer phenomenon.
You have a wonderful way with words!
deanabo,
Welcome and thank you for reading and commenting. Visit any time.
I love where you went with the prompt: the attempt to locate inspiration and how our creative products always involve some form of chance. The therapeutic and indulgent existing side by side in that field of creative energy we all hope to access. A thought provoking and interesting read.
Anna,
You saw everything I had in mind and then some. Love it when that happens. Thank you very much for the prompt and for reading my offering.
Such a cool close. I especially like: small-cupped attempt…large-cupped resolve
there buds, evidence of his whim
Can I coax a poem this time?
ManicDdaily,
Perhaps I should have gone with “poesy” or something instead of a direct reference to writing? Glad you liked it and very happy to share it with you.
What a creative take, I can’t do these words challenges from jasmine calyx ~ And so a poem is born ~
Grace,
I imagine you can. There’s certainly no obligation to use every word. I know of a few times I only used one or two, the rest just didn’t speak at all. Thanks for stopping in to look over the meadow.
A most delightful and fanciful read….must agree with claudia…”some cool words and images..”
slpmartin,
Well … when you have fun stuff to work with …. Pleasure sharing these with you.
smiles…and you did coax a poem…your poem captures a bit of a journey through that field but also through your thoughts about the field…which is really cool…kampo
narcotic loanword
mental bombast on a swollen memory…ha i like the way that sounds coming out my mouth…nice energy there too…
brian,
jasmine calyx always has a unique/challenging set of words, which I often find irresistible. I have to remember to try these out loud. I keep missing that component, and it is something I really want to add to my writing. Thanks for pointing it out. Happy you enjoyed it.
Welcome back.
the diSparity
of deep orange…ha…i like…some cool words and images…i also like how you start it…has a bit of a fairy tale feel…
(and rgd. your question…it was GTA III…)
claudia,
I have to credit many of the words and images to jasmine calyx. I just used poetic decoupage. Fairytales tend to slip into much of my writing. GTA…one of my kids favorites. How they remember those maps I’ll never know.