dVerse Staccato Poem

Another challenge from dVerse (thank you, Beth Winter) is to write a poem in the Staccato form.

It consists of two or more six-line stanzas with a set syllable count and rhyme scheme. There is not a meter requirement (as in rhythm) however, the structure of the form injects a staccato rhythm that is especially noticeable when read out loud. It uses short repeats, abruptly disconnected elements, such as the staccato in music and lends itself to strong emotion or commands.

I’ll let you visit the dVerse post for the particulars of the form.  I am tired of all my negative, whiny poetry lately, so I decided to go a bit lighter and do a lullaby using this form.  Doesn’t sound like it would work, right?  I’m still not sure it did.  Let me know what you think.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lullay

Relax.  Be still.  Put aside your heart’s fear.
Shadows and doubts fade beside smiles, my dear.
Hush, hush!  Hush, hush. Your dreams await
among the stars, now don’t be late.
Close your eyes.  Let your poetry set sail.
Hush, hush.  Dreams and words, these knights never fail.

Dream now, on the morrow take up your pen,

A knight's taleWith wit whittled fey bow slay dragons again.
Patience!  Patience, champions stand
Ready at the poet’s command
To silence scoffers, monsters, doubts and more.
Patience! Victory attends dawn’s bright door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Surprise!  Margo of Margo Roby: Wordgathering left me this challenge in her comment:

Try this and see what you think: Take the five-line stanza and start with it, then the first stanza becomes the second, and the last line, as a single, is the one you have in the middle now. The reordering has an interesting result.

I’ve given it a try below.  What do you think?  Did I get it right?

With wit whittled fey bow slay dragons again.
Patience!  Patience, champions stand
Ready at the poet’s command
To silence scoffers, monsters, doubts and more.
Patience! Victory attends dawn’s bright door.

Relax.  Be still.  Put aside your heart’s fear.
Shadows and doubts fade beside smiles, my dear.
Hush, hush!  Hush, hush. Your dreams await
among the stars, now don’t be late.
Close your eyes.  Let your poetry set sail.
Hush, hush.  Dreams and words, these knights never fail.

Dream now, on the morrow take up your pen.

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About Yousei Hime

This is the journal of a poetic rabbit. Within the warren you'll find poetry, short stories, essays, art, book and movie reviews, and other odds and ends. If you happen to meet the fey princess, be courteous. This rabbit did and was forever changed.
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22 Responses to dVerse Staccato Poem

  1. Thomas Davis says:

    Oh my goodness, the language is so beautiful, and the second version gives poets a reason to greet the dawn of another day. Ethel and I both read it aloud, and you’ve got the staccato form down and wriggling on the tip of a very thin pin where angels can be counted. If you want a challenge, try a sonnet. The forms seem to draw something special out from you, although I am really impressed by the poetry you’ve written that I’ve read universally.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Thomas Davis,
      What a delight to read your comment first thing this morning. Knowing you and your wife shared it and read it aloud has me smiling bigger than my first cup of coffee (that’s huge, by the way). I will try a sonnet . . . again. I’ve tried it a few times before, but my efforts always feel so forced and clunky. Of course, my haiku have been brick-like as well. Your comment is much, much appreciated. My confidence is all but embers these days, but your kind words have sparked them. Look for a sonnet in the near future, and I’ll try to hop by and let you know when it arrives.

  2. Ruth says:

    Lovely poem, and you did the staccato form proud. Well done!

  3. jruthkelly says:

    Love the whole thing but this especially got me: “With wit whittled fey bow slay dragons again.
    Patience! Patience, champions stand” pa pow! You rock…

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Hey Cuz!
      Hee hee. You’ve got me blushing. Glad you enjoyed it. I was delighted to be favorited on twitter. You might be the first (hopefully not the last, lol). See you here, there and over yonder at your place.

  4. manicddaily says:

    Really well done! The exhortations go with the subject matter, and it’s all got both a legendary feel and a reading to a child feel. Lovely. And so great not to be grim!

    Also, great how you repeated the words in the last line of each stanza in a way that really went with the sense of the poem.

    I agree with you re whiny poetry, and then I end up writing more of it! Take care, K.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      K,
      Don’t you just love the legends and fairytales of our childhood? I’m so glad you enjoyed the poem. Of course there would be far fewer poems without all that angst. I can’t say I dislike them, I just wish I wrote more of a balance. I write from where I stand in life. Perhaps I can look about a bit more and see more. Hmm. Thank you for your visit and encouragement.

  5. margo roby says:

    Thank you for giving me the link. I had wondered how the staccato would sound [had not gotten around to finding an example], and was put off momentarily by the words rhyme scheme. But I like what you have done with the repetition very much. Want to play? Try this and see what you think: Take the five line stanza and start with it, then the first stanza becomes the second, and the last line, as a single, is the one you have in the middle now. The reordering has an interesting result. I do love playing.

    margo

  6. Laurie Kolp says:

    Yes, those monsters in the night do need to be suppressed. Lovely poem!

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Laurie,
      Thank you for stopping in to read and comment. I enjoyed writing this one very much, even though the form was a bit tricky. Good exercise for the poetic mind (especially one as limited as mine has been).

  7. hobgoblin2011 says:

    Really nice job with the staccato, love your structural variation, separating the first line from your second stanza is a really nice touch. Really nice piece, thanks for sharing it

    • Yousei Hime says:

      hobgoblin2011,
      I have to confess, that separation came from inserting that photo. I would love to claim it as intentional, even a subconscious decision. Nope, purely an accident. Glad you liked the piece though. Thanks for stopping in and commenting. I’ll keep the change of structure idea in mind for the future.

  8. slpmartin says:

    A most delightful treat this Saturday evening…thanks!

    • Yousei Hime says:

      slpmartin,
      Thank you, thank you. I’m glad I got it done. I’d been contemplating topics for it all day. Finally a light bulb turned on, but the family kept interrupting. That’s the way it goes around here. Glad you enjoyed it. :)

  9. Beth Winter says:

    Wonderful use of the staccato poetry form. I felt the gentleness of the first stanze with as much force as the assuredness in the second. I am glad you shared even though the link was down. Very well written, great use of the form’s versatility and a poem that I truly enjoyed.

    • Yousei Hime says:

      Beth,
      If you enjoyed it, then that is the seal it needed. I enjoyed giving it a whirl, and it was a challenge for this haiku-a-holic. I need challenges otherwise all those other useful writing skills get rusty. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and offer your encouraging comment. I look forward to seeing you at dVerse.

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